My major takeaway this week is that God desires to be amongst His people intimately. It is true throughout the ages of time. Even from the time of Adam and Eve, King David, Jesus, and even in the book of revelation, God shows His desire to be in the midst of His beloved children. God also shows His delight in our worship, as living sacrifices, a response to God’s love and intimacy.
I appreciate the new lens that Kyle and Stacia gave to us in looking at worship. Worship cannot be divorced from prayer, evangelism, and missions. Each of these spheres of our christian walk is a facet of our worship to God. The worship birthed from our hearts is from a place of intimacy with a loving and gracious God. Using songs and music as means of worship is powerful because it engages our emotions and allows us to respond to God with our emotions as well.
This week was emotionally draining and challenging. It was tough to process the leaving of 2 of my classmates. The drama behind the conflicts and the leaving is also emotionally tiring. I feel sad that my good friend left. I was sad that she left without any explanation nor closure, but I was also sad about the circumstances behind her leaving. She had been a loving sister that cared for both Sheryl and I, and we both felt her love. Sheryl and I also felt led to love her and to bless her, and it’s sad that circumstances have brought us to where we are today.
Well, I guess life is as such. People come and go. I’m glad that Sheryl and I had the opportunity to meet her after she left, and I had a good closure with her. We all cried and we blessed each other. This helped alot in my heart to process her leaving and to focus on moving on.
Through these crises, I saw how the trust in the community is broken, but I also saw how we slowly picked up the pieces and put it back in love. I am heartened that we have chosen to come back stronger and to struggle together as we move on.
All these things that happened really challenged my view of a spirit-filled community. From the first day of DTS, I took communal living seriously. My mind told me that it’s a bad idea because it makes me vulnerable to hurt and to rejection, but my heart told me that God would love me to embrace communal living and to put Him at the centre of this community. Hence, when such a thing happens, it feels like a sibling left the family. There is bound to be emotions. When conflicts happen, and when lies are exposed, trust gets broken. In my carnal self, I would just tell myself, “Heck care la”, and move on, floating through the rest of DTS, going through the motion. But I know that it’s not what my heart wants.
I was really impacted by the book titled, “Cross-Cultural Conflict”, and I felt that it really helped me make sense of whatever that was happening in the community. One particular chapter talked about the diversity of God’s creation and His desire to see unity through diversity. It really challenged my understanding of unity and how strong a Gospel message it sends to the world. I know that a disengaged community is not what delights God. And, He has all it needs to rebuilt this community. What’s more, we are heading out for outreach in Cambodia, and there is no better time to hone our Gospel message as a community than now. Our unity speaks alot in our evangelism. It beats the point if we can have the best Gospel script, but we are so conflicted and all over the place as a community. I often ask God, what can I do as a student to play my part?
This is my worship. I trust in God that He can rebuild this temple. As a community, we host the presence of God. I seek Him in my desires for restoration of this community, knowing that He desires for it more than me. Even though it’s for only a short time of 5 months in DTS, I believe God wants to show us a prototype of His heart and His love for His people. Lord, I come before You vulnerable to seek Your revelation.